March Madness

Have you ever been in your car and almost gotten into an accident due to a commercial giving you a small stroke? I had been stroke free until the other day when a commercial made me forget what I was doing and make a not so safe entry onto a busy highway. What commercial, radio commercial mind you, could have been so outrageous as to stymie my brain function? A March Madness sale, on vasectomies. Any advertisement promoting vasectomy procedures would have thrown me a bit, but this one was stunning. The entire ad drew a connection between the NCAA Basketball Tournament, nicknamed March Madness, and getting a discounted procedure to sterilize your baby makers. Basketballs and balls in your basket.

Having been in sales I am familiar with tried and true techniques to sell just about anything. One technique exploited by this ad was to create a sense of urgency. The funny part is what they decided was so urgent. "Get your appointment scheduled now so we can perform your vasectomy before the start of the tournament". Good thinking! Lord knows I don't want to have an ice pack on my crippled jewels during the Final Four. Then they suggest "Why not take the next few days recovering from your vasectomy watching the first couple rounds?" The first round is played over two days, Thursday and Friday. That's right, have an elective procedure in order to call out from work and be able to watch the opening round games. The true March Madness is that there will be a guy or two that will take advantage of this opportunity having never even considered a vasectomy prior to the ad.

The commercial's coup de grace, however, was what really drove a figurative nail into my mental coffin. "Call now to take advantage of this March Madness discount and LOWER YOUR SEED!" For those not familiar with the March Madness tournament, 64 teams are seeded in four sets of #1-#16. Your number is your seed. Thus completing the most bizarre ad correlation I have ever come across. I no longer listen to the radio.